Sitting With Anxiety in Motherhood: A Mother's Day Reflection
May 13, 2025
Motherhood is beautiful, awe inspiring, and deeply vulnerable. It stretches us in every direction—physically, emotionally, and mentally. As a mother and therapist, I live this dual experience daily. I hold space for clients navigating anxiety and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), and I hold my daughter, a vibrant and curious toddler who is constantly exploring her world. This Mother’s Day, I found myself doing both at once.
We spent the weekend in a cabin by a river, surrounded by friends and the joyful chaos of toddlers. It was the kind of experience that looks picture perfect on the outside—laughter, nature, connection. But beneath the surface, something else was happening too. Anxiety. Those creeping "what ifs."
What if she slips into the river? What if she chokes on a snack? What if I look away for one moment too long?
These intrusive thoughts are not evidence that something is wrong with me. They are part of the experience of being a human and a mother.
Anxiety in Motherhood: A Natural Companion
Let’s say it out loud: anxiety is a normal, healthy part of motherhood. It keeps us alert. It makes us conscientious. It speaks to how deeply we care. But when anxiety becomes overwhelming or when it shows up as intrusive, distressing thoughts that feel sticky and hard to dismiss, it can rob us of presence. For many mothers, especially those navigating postpartum anxiety or postpartum OCD, these thoughts can become all consuming.
As a licensed professional counselor specializing in exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy for OCD and anxiety disorders, I want to offer a different way of relating to anxiety in motherhood—not by getting rid of it, but by learning to live alongside it.
This doesn’t mean you’re ignoring danger. It means you’re trusting yourself to respond when and if a real challenge arises, rather than preparing for every hypothetical threat that your brain can imagine.
That distinction matters. Because when you’re trying to plan for every possible outcome, you’re never really with your child. You’re in your head, spiraling. And anxiety thrives in that spiral.
Intrusive Thoughts in Motherhood
If you're a mother experiencing intrusive thoughts—violent, accidental, or taboo in nature—you are not alone. These thoughts are common, especially in the postpartum period. Research shows that a large percentage of new mothers experience intrusive thoughts, yet most don’t talk about them. Shame thrives in silence.
Intrusive thoughts can make us feel like we’re bad mothers. But here’s the truth:
“Intrusive thoughts are ego dystonic. They are the opposite of what you want. The distress they cause is evidence that you care deeply.”
When these thoughts become sticky or start dictating how you behave (e.g., avoiding certain situations or engaging in safety rituals), that may be a sign of postpartum OCD, a treatable condition.
ERP therapy is the gold standard treatment for OCD. It helps you build tolerance to uncertainty and teaches you how to stop doing the things that feed the anxiety cycle. You learn to sit with the discomfort, and in doing so, reclaim your presence.
The Cabin by the River
Back to the cabin. I was surrounded by laughter and joy, and I was also doing the mental gymnastics of risk assessment. My daughter wanted to sit by the river, stare up at the trees, and watch the geese.
My brain flooded me with imagery of disaster. Not because I’m paranoid. Not because something was wrong. But because this is what the anxious brain does.
And in that moment, I came back to this:
In this moment, my family and I are safe and healthy; I can navigate any challenge if and when it arrives.
It didn’t erase the thoughts. It gave me grounding.
10 Affirmations for Anxious Mothers
If you’re a mother living with anxiety, especially intrusive thoughts, I want you to have some affirmations that speak to the truth of your experience. Not to sugarcoat it. Not to gaslight yourself into being "fine." But to remind yourself of what’s real, here and now.
These affirmations are rooted in mindfulness, acceptance based therapy, and compassion. Use them as gentle anchors when the anxiety swells:
In this moment, my family and I are safe and healthy; I can navigate any challenge if and when it arrives.
Thoughts are not facts. I can have a scary thought without it meaning anything about who I am.
I am allowed to feel anxious and still be a good mother.
My child doesn’t need a perfect mom. She needs a present, loving, and human one.
I can notice this thought and gently bring my attention back to now.
My anxiety is a signal of care, not danger.
I can be brave and anxious at the same time.
I trust myself to respond with love and wisdom when needed.
This moment matters more than the story in my head.
I am doing enough. I am enough. Even now.
Print these out. Write your favorites on sticky notes. Repeat them aloud when you’re rocking your baby, chasing your toddler, or trying to enjoy five minutes of rest. Let them be your companions.
You Are Not Alone
If your anxiety feels unmanageable, if intrusive thoughts are interfering with your ability to bond with your child or enjoy motherhood, know this: help is available. You are not broken. You are not dangerous. You are not alone.
ERP therapy, mindfulness, and values based approaches like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can all support you in finding peace with your mind and reclaiming your experience of motherhood.
And perhaps even more important—you deserve support. You deserve to be witnessed and cared for, just as you witness and care for your child.
Final Thoughts
This Mother's Day wasn’t picture perfect. It was real. And real is more than enough. It’s okay to hold joy and fear at the same time. It’s okay to be the therapist and the anxious mom. It’s okay to let your child explore the riverbank while your thoughts swirl. Just come back to the moment, again and again.
You are already doing the hardest thing: showing up.
With care and solidarity,
Nickesha